30til30: day 7, caden chastain

so, we took a great memorial day getaway to cloudcroft new mexico with several of our friends. i tried to get ahead and it just didn’t happened, so now i’m playing catch-up. i do plan to have this series wrapped up by monday (june 1!), i’m just not sure how all that is going to work out. but regardless, this was the post planned for monday, may 25.

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i have 30 days until i celebrate my 30th year of life. i thought i would share with you 30 people, events and situations that have shaped my life and who i want to be. it has been very challenging to come up with 30…i hope it inspires you as it has me. this part of the list is in a specific order.

day 7: caden chastain

with all my heart, i wish this wasn’t one of my 30 things.

last fall, our dear friends lost their precious baby girl. though i haven’t written much here, in many ways, i’m still processing caden’s short life and the impact her death has had on me. michael and i still have moments of grief, made fewer only by the fact that we are somewhat disconnected from our friends in indianapolis.

here are a few ways my life has changed as a result of caden’s life:

• i hold my own little boy tighter at night when i rock him
• i don’t cling to his life or the life of his sibling in utero
• i’m more easily moved by others walking through grief and i’m more likely to shoulder part of that grief
• i am often reminded that this life is not all there is; reality is coming!

because i really don’t feel i can do justice to something that so profoundly marked my life such a short time ago, here are the words to a song we sang at our palm sunday service at church. i cried throughout the entire song, and especially the last two verses, as i thought, this is every christian parent’s prayer for their child and it’s wholly true for caden.

my Jesus, i love Thee, i know Thou art mine;
for Thee all the follies of sin i resign.
my gracious Redeemer, my Savior art Thou;
if ever i loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

i love Thee because Thou has first loved me,
and purchased my pardon on Calvary’s tree.
i love Thee for wearing the thorns on Thy brow;
if ever i loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

i’ll love Thee in life, i will love Thee in death,
and praise Thee as long as Thou lendest me breath;
and say when the death dew lies cold on my brow,
if ever i loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

in mansions of glory and endless delight,
i’ll ever adore Thee in heaven so bright;
i’ll sing with the glittering crown on my brow;
if ever i loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

~william r. featherston