pea-nut, peanut butter!

during my four years of college, i had four different roommates. mandy and i lived together for three years. we hardly knew each other when we agreed to be roommies. and, for the most part, we were a good fit. (right, roommie?)

unfortunately, mandy doesn't like peanut butter. couldn't even handle the smell.

in a small dorm room, without a real refrigerator, there're only so many "meals" you can make.

and there's only so many places you can hide from the aroma of a new jar of peanut butter.

when mandy was around, i didn't crack the lid. that's the kind of roommate i was.

the other night, i was looking for a milk-free snack when i remembered a recipe i stumbled on during my pregnancy with ava. peanut butter popcorn.

before you knock it, you really ought to give it a try. and to help you to that end, i'm sharing the recipe. yum!

in a small pan over medium heat, combine 1/2 c. sugar and 1/2 c. light corn syrup and stir while sugar melts. add 1/2. c. peanut butter and stir until melted. remove from heat and add 1 tsp. vanilla. stir over 6-8 c. popped popcorn.

peanut butter and popcorn. two of my favorite milk-free snacks.

if i'd had this recipe as a college freshman, mandy and i might not have last three years.

i'm sure there will be cheeseburgers in paradise

it's amazing what a mom will do for her baby...

a few weeks ago, ava and luke (2) both went to the doctor (my new best friend) for an ear infection. luke's ears were clear, but ta-da: miss ava marie had her very first ear infection.

we left with a prescription for amoxicillian, which never worked for luke. within 24-hours, she was acting much better. however, a few days later, she didn't sleep well. as in, she woke up. every. stinkin'. hour.

let me remind y'all that she still sleeps in our room.

based on luke's ear infection history, i called my new BFF as soon as the office opened. i was positive the antibiotic wasn't strong enough and ava was still in pain.

our fabulous doctor gave her a thorough examine and sat back, in his casual manner, on his rolly chair.

the good news, he told me, is that it's not her ears.

my thought? that's not good news. because? if it's not her ears? it's something worse.

he asked a few other questions. had she been sleeping well? yes, five to six hours each night. was she always congested? yes, my little snuffleupagus.

i think she has a cow's milk protein intolerance. he explained that sometimes this crops up around three months of age. and probably will last a year or two. it can cause serious problems (fortunately, ours are minor). it's not a full-on cow's milk allergy, and because of that, it won't show up in allergy blood tests.

our action plan? to remove all cow's milk products from her diet to see if that helps. which means removing all cow's milk from my diet.

did you realize there's cow's milk in pasta sauce? and bread? and most of my favorite food products.

so, i've given up cow's milk. at home, it's been easy. i can substitute soy milk or soy butter (and even soy sour cream) most of the time. but when we're out, it's not so easy. i was grieved this weekend to forgo a fabulous mcdonalds cheeseburger (the perfect meat to bun ratio).

at first, i wondered if this really was the solution to our problem. i mean, what if she just had a few bad nights? and so, i had a pre-thanksgiving meal, loaded with butter and milk.

our problem is definitely the cow's milk. the three of us hardly slept for four nights.

my poor baby.

and thus ends my obsession with yogurt and granola.

another heartbreak

for the third time in just over a year, michael and i have friends who are losing their precious baby.

would y'all please pray for our friends john and jennifer? their baby boy was born on monday and was diagnosed this evening with trisomy 18, or edwards syndrome, which is a chromosomal abnormality. as you can read in the article, most trisomy 18 babies only live a few days. a year would be a long time.

we are devastated with them. 

Lord, come quickly.

bittersweet (ˈbi-tər-ˌswēt): pleasant but including suffering or regret

when you first hold your newborn baby boy, you don't think about what life will be like two or three years down the road.

at least, i didn't.

over the last ten days, luke (2) has made all kinds of "big boy" transitions. he's officially and completely given up the woobie. last night, he asked to sleep on the futon instead of in his crib...and he stayed on the futon until michael went into his room a little after 7am this morning (he also napped there today and didn't get up). and, he peed on the potty three times today.

my life is about to drastically change.

as i look at ava, it's hard to imagine what life will be like when she's two. it's so hard to look down the road and remember that i won't always be sleep deprived. my life won't always revolve around her three-hour routine. i won't always have to carry her everywhere we go.

in a flash, she'll be potty-trained, walking and talking (probably non-stop) and i'll mostly get a full-night's sleep every night. can you imagine?!

i'm thrilled for luke to be growing up; i'm so proud of him!

but, as i told michael last night, i'm a little sad for myself; i'm sad to be losing a little bit of my baby. so for now, i'm going to reval in all things baby girl.

and my heart stopped

a few weeks ago, i took both kids to check out a local thrift store. luke (2) didn't want to ride in the stroller, so with ava in my arms and luke holding my hand, we trucked across the parking lot and into the store. as we crossed the threshold, luke caught his foot, tripped and fell. nothing too out of the ordinary for an on-the-go toddler boy.

a granny voice piped up behind me. boy, she said. you're going to have to learn to fend for yourself!

my heart stopped. my hands were certainly full with his 8-week-old baby sister, but i knelt beside my boy and helped him to his feet. i can't protect him from all the spills in life, but i will always be there for him. having a baby sister doesn't mean mommy can't take care of him. my boy does not have to fend for himself.

thankyouverymuch.

later that week, we visited san antonio (if you're waiting for an update, the visit was great, but we still don't know if that's where God is leading us; we'll let you know when we know). i really enjoyed the small church and the more intimate worship service. we sang a song (whose title i unfortunately don't know) and one of the lyrics said you're a defender of the weak.

as i sang the words, my heart immediately ached for my children, specifically for ava, my tiny newborn baby girl who can't do anything for herself. she personifies weakness, not because she is "defective" or broken, but simply because that's what a baby is. i want with all that i am to defend and protect my baby girl. both of my children.

as a mommy, it's what i do.

and suddenly, i realized that's what God's doing for me. i don't know exactly what he's protecting me from as we wait in this job search. bad choices. unhealthy church experiences. something that's just not the best. but, i know and am confident that he is protecting me.

in that instant, i was able to more deeply internalize my lesson of trust from this summer. i don't know what he has planned. but, i know it's going to be okay.

and i stopped flailing my arms and kicking my feet at God.

blueberries and more

while you wait for me to finish my birthday letter to luke, i thought i'd share a few photos from the last several weeks.

blueberry pancakes are a big hit...as you can tell.

here's our princess chillin' in the double stroller while everyone else went ga-ga over the planes flying overhead.

the birthday cupcake. you can probably tell, but it was a bigger hit than the blueberry pancakes.

a fabulous birthday gift for a boy who loves cars. he thinks he should be able to drive it on the busy street in front of our house. it didn't go over well when i told him he had to stay on the sidewalk next to me. note the trunk rigged in the back. that's so he can carry his books and trucks with him. and he does...

luke and superman at our church's fall fest. isn't the curly-que fabulous? superman's mom is pretty fabulous, and creative, too.

one of our more recent family photos, also from the church fall fest. aren't we all cute?

sleeping beauty miss ava, doing what she does best!

a toddler's tirade

the last many months have been fun watching luke (2) grow. we celebrated his birthday at the airshow (photos and birthday letter to come) and he loved it. he's talking more and i can almost have a conversation with him. almost.

along with his new love of words come more choices and opportunities to assert his preference will. and stubborness. which leads to more battles of the will. luke, honey, mommy and daddy always win.

this morning five minutes before we were ready to walk out the door to church, my baby (who clearly isn't a baby anymore) disobeyed his daddy. i don't remember what he did originally, but on his way to time out, he threw a fit. in our house, throwing a fit while being disciplined in time out is a spanking. so, michael calmly explained what was about to happen. and the boy was properly spanked. y'all, he would not calm down. all he had to do was sit on his bottom and he refused. the child was spanked several times before he consented to daddy and we were late to church.

the fit-throwing is hard to stop in a two-year-old. he doesn't understand enough yet. all he knows is that the big person in his life isn't letting him have his way. he's developmentally ego-centric, so all he understands is the world as it relates to him. when he doesn't get his way, a fit ensues.

this summer, i was the toddler throwing the tirade.

spiritually speaking, that is.

i wasn't getting my way and God was going to hear about it. i wanted for michael to have found a job and for us to have moved by the end of july. i wanted to be settling into our new home when ava made her appearance. every time a potential job fell threw, i found myself kicking and screaming at God.

not literally, but still throwing my own little tantrum.

just like luke isn't capable of understanding the full picture of his life as i see it, neither am i able to understand the full scope of our life through God's perspective.there are lots of reasons i don't let luke have his way. sometimes, what he wants isn't healthy. the boy loves dumdums and if that's all i gave him, or if i gave one to him every time he asked, he'd get sick.

sometimes, luke doesn't get his way because his choice is dangerous. i've shrieked at him calmly called his name as he was about to put a key in an electrical outlet. his choice could have killed him.

sometimes, he doesn't get his way because i have something for him that i know he'll love even more. but he can't even imagine what i want to give him. on his birthday at the airshow, luke had tons of junk food. at one point, i need to refuse him a dumdum because i knew what was coming later that afternoon. a birthday cupcake. i wanted him to be able to enjoy the cupcake to its fullest, so i didn't let him eat something else that would have potentially taken away the joy of the cupcake.

but luke can't understand those things. all he knows is that he hasn't gotten his way. michael and i are trying to teach luke to trust us. we want him to firmly believe that we have his best interest at store and that we long to bestow wonderful things on him. what father doesn't want to shower his child with gifts, right?

this past summer, God kept telling me no everytime i turned around. every potential job. every new opportunity. like luke, i can't imagine what God has in store for me, and in middle of july, it was hard to believe that whatever He has planned is good. all i knew is that i wasn't getting my dumdum. i was struggling to deeply trust the Father-heart of God.

like most of you, i still have a lot to learn about trusting God's goodness and waiting for His plan to play out in my life. but, unlike luke, i've learned (in this situation) to stop throwing a fit and to sit on my Father's lap and allow Him to hug me. and to listen to Him whisper in my ear that He loves me and that everything is going to be okay.

and it will. becaus what Father doesn't want to shower his child with gifts. right?