Wednesday, November 11, 2009

and my heart stopped

a few weeks ago, i took both kids to check out a local thrift store. luke (2) didn't want to ride in the stroller, so with ava in my arms and luke holding my hand, we trucked across the parking lot and into the store. as we crossed the threshold, luke caught his foot, tripped and fell. nothing too out of the ordinary for an on-the-go toddler boy.

a granny voice piped up behind me. boy, she said. you're going to have to learn to fend for yourself!

my heart stopped. my hands were certainly full with his 8-week-old baby sister, but i knelt beside my boy and helped him to his feet. i can't protect him from all the spills in life, but i will always be there for him. having a baby sister doesn't mean mommy can't take care of him. my boy does not have to fend for himself.


later that week, we visited san antonio (if you're waiting for an update, the visit was great, but we still don't know if that's where God is leading us; we'll let you know when we know). i really enjoyed the small church and the more intimate worship service. we sang a song (whose title i unfortunately don't know) and one of the lyrics said you're a defender of the weak.

as i sang the words, my heart immediately ached for my children, specifically for ava, my tiny newborn baby girl who can't do anything for herself. she personifies weakness, not because she is "defective" or broken, but simply because that's what a baby is. i want with all that i am to defend and protect my baby girl. both of my children.

as a mommy, it's what i do.

and suddenly, i realized that's what God's doing for me. i don't know exactly what he's protecting me from as we wait in this job search. bad choices. unhealthy church experiences. something that's just not the best. but, i know and am confident that he is protecting me.

in that instant, i was able to more deeply internalize my lesson of trust from this summer. i don't know what he has planned. but, i know it's going to be okay.

and i stopped flailing my arms and kicking my feet at God.


  1. People just don't think when they speak. If you ever get to 4 or 5 little ones, you would be amazed what people let slip out.

    Glad you're allowing the Lord to work and not demanding what you want from Him. That's so much easier but ultimately not in our best interest. :) Hang in there!

  2. I think that I heard God say, "You're welcome very much."

  3. I think the song is Chris Tomlin, Everlasting God :)

  4. Katherine, are you wearing a Moby? It looks like you have Ava in one...I ask because yesterday Karen bought me one - and I think that I am going to LOVE it... I actually thought of you and thought that you would LOVE it too!
    Still would love to talk, with two newborn girls it is no wonder that aligning our time to talk is are in our thoughts and prayers. Miss you dear friend! Kan